Becoming Faith Read online

  Becoming Faith

  By

  Joy Eileen

  Copyright page

  Becoming Faith

  Copyright © 2017 Joy Eileen

  Published by Joy Barnett

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to the seller and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.

  Published: Joy Eileen 2017:

  Edited : Lawrence Editing

  www.Lawrenceediting.com

  Cover Design: Kristen Hope Mazzola

  Cover Images:

  File Id #68067837 © Anna Ismagilova © / Dollar Photo Club

  Formatting by: Kristen Hope Mazzola

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Epilogue

  FROM THE AUTHOR:

  TRANSPARENT

  Ghost of Christmas Past

  Chapter 1

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Becoming Faith

  Dedication

  This one goes to Papa.

  Thank you for EVERYTHING.

  Prologue

  “You’re healing better than expected, Faith.” My orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Barnson, investigated my X-rays while I peered at the back of his lab coat.

  I rubbed the skin where my cast dug into my leg, taking advantage of the reprieve I'd been granted with the cast removed.

  “I’m going to put you in the boot,” he said.

  I didn’t bother hiding the smile.

  “Don’t get too excited. I want you to stay off it. No walking. Use your scooter or crutches for everything.”

  “But I can take it off to shower?” That was the million-dollar question. And when the magic word ‘yes’ left his lips, all was right in the world.

  As I positioned my leg on my scooter Kill had insisted on purchasing, all I could do was dream of the hot bath in my future. My phone rang, bursting my dream bubble, when I headed out of the doctor’s office. I barely caught my purse from spilling on the concrete as I fished out the ringing nuisance.

  The unknown number with an east coast area code lit up the screen. I bit the inside of my lip to keep from screaming. My finger shook from fear and frustration as I swiped to decline the call.

  With my scooter stashed in the back of Kill’s Mustang, I climbed behind the wheel. The engine stayed off. Disgust filled me when I went through the familiar process of blocking the number. It seemed by the time Jason got the hint, the entire east coast would be blocked.

  My teeth clenched when my phone rang again, this time from a private number. The annoying sound bounced off the interior of the car. He wasn’t going to give up.

  “What?” I yelled into the phone. It was stupid. I knew I shouldn’t have answered, but I could only take so much.

  “Faith? Is everything okay, baby?” Jason was using his charming voice. It was the tone that had gotten him out of almost every bad situation he’d found himself in. It was the voice I craved when we were together. The voice that meant violence was far from his mind.

  My cravings had changed. Now, all I wanted was his silence. I craved him to forget about me. To stop altering the reality in his head. The mindset he clung to of a false reality where we were still the couple we pretended to be long ago.

  “No, Jason. Everything is not okay. Stop calling me.” I kept the anger out of my voice. Neutral was where I needed to be.

  The other times I’d cracked and answered his calls I had screamed, threatened, or pleaded. Those tactics didn’t work. Calm was my last resort.

  “Faith, baby. I miss you. I’m going to be home soon. My work won’t keep you away from me for long.”

  “Jason, you’re in an institute. I’m not sure what you’ve been diagnosed with, but you’re not at work. You need to face reality. We’re not together. We’ll never be together again. Just get help, and leave me alone.”

  My fingers ached as I squeezed the steering wheel tightly. My other hand pressed the phone to my ear in frustration.

  “Faith, I don’t know what that rockstar,” he spit the word out, and even over the phone I could hear his revulsion, “has said to you. Baby, he’s brainwashing you. Don’t worry. I’ll be there soon. I have a friend who’s going to help me.”

  “The only person brainwashed is you. I’m with Kill. Focus on getting better. Stop calling me.” I hung up and started the car.

  The roar of the engine matched the raging emotions pinging through me. I gunned the engine and startled a couple walking into the parking garage. My phone rang again and I ignored it as I drove home.

  Kill opened my door before I turned the engine off. “Slick, you’re in the boot.” He helped me get situated on my scooter. “Do you want me to run the bath for you?”

  He was a damn mind reader.

  “Yes, please.” I needed to tell him about Jason, but my priorities were skewed. A long, hot bath took precedence.

  Kill carried me up the stairs and sat me on the bathroom counter. He turned on the tap before helping me undress. The sound of the Velcro ripping apart to reveal my healing leg almost made me weep in the steam swamped room.

  I moaned, sinking as far as I could in the deep tub. Kill locked the door and stripped down, crawling in behind me. My back relaxed against him, his pec my pillow.

  “So what did the doctor say?” His hands roamed over my slick skin.

  “I’m in the boot until my next appointment. After that he’ll decide my next path. I’m still not supposed to walk on it, but I can take it off to sleep and shower.”

  Kill kissed the top of my head. “I’m glad you can shower. You were starting to get stinky, Slick.”

  I could feel the smile on his lips when I pushed into him.

  “It’s going to be nice to hold you at night without your cast in the way. People were starting to get concerned with all the bruises on my legs.”

  I sank deeper into him. It was amazing how much I’d taken this for granted.

  “Jason called me again,” I told him, figuring my time was up.

  Kill’s body stilled behind me, his hand stopping on my stomach.

  “Don’t get mad. I answered it.”

  Kill sighed into my hair. The ridged muscles behind me were proof enough he wanted to lecture me. Kill had begged me to stop answering him. He couldn’t understand why I would engage him.

  “What happened?” he asked, hugging me close.

  I gave him the bullet p
oints of the call as Kill listened intently.

  “It’s time to change your number, Faith.” The finality in his tone told me there was no arguing.

  “You’re right.”

  Kill had asked me several times to change my number, and for some reason I’d been resistant, until now. All the shit I had put him through stopped me from arguing.

  “I also want to hire a private investigator to make sure we know where he is at all times.”

  I nodded, giving him the permission he sought.

  “I just want you safe.” A hint of desperation tinged his voice.

  “I know. Because of me we still have drama in our lives. I hate it.”

  Kill’s hands moved until he cupped my breasts. My breath hitched. He was trying to distract me, and it was working.

  “We knew Jason wasn’t going to go away. I promise once we get his situation taken care of, we’ll be drama free. In fact, we’ll be the most boring couple around.”

  Kill’s fingers circled my nipples, and I arched further into his hands. “Okay, maybe not the most boring,” he whispered.

  I turned my head for a soul melting kiss only Kill could provide.

  Chapter 1

  The door clicked shut quietly, but it sounded like a shot. I tiptoed to my bed and willed the door to stay closed. Victoria, the tyrant of a wedding planner, would search me out soon enough. I needed a moment, just a second to catch my breath. It wouldn’t last. I was convinced she had some German shepherd in her.

  I would give her credit, though. Victoria did an amazing job throwing the wedding together in three weeks. I commended her tenacity, but she was exhausting. She swooped in wearing her pastel business suit and took charge, throwing commands out with such strength nobody thought to question her. I was tired and ever so thankful the day had finally arrived.

  Cuddling up on my worn-out quilt, I allowed the comfort of my childhood bedroom calm me. My leg ached from all the activity I forced on it. I refused to show any discomfort when Kill was around. If he caught me rubbing it like I was doing at the moment, there was no doubt in my mind he would carry me around the rest of the day. Not that I didn’t enjoy the view. I just didn’t know how well my dad would take it. Actually, I did. My dad adored Kill and wouldn’t have batted an eye. Traitor.

  I twisted my ankle gently back and forth, wanting to ensure it didn’t get stiff before the day even started. Even though it’d been months since the boot was removed, it still ached, especially with the cold weather.

  The distinct sound of Victoria’s clacking heels made their way down the hallway. My time was up. On my feet, I smoothed my dress down. With a quick glance in the mirror I made sure there were no signs of my impromptu getaway.

  I eased my door open just as Victoria raised her hand to knock. Her thin eyebrows arched over her blue eyes.

  Always the epitome of control, she lowered her arm and surveyed my appearance. “Faith, the groom wants to talk to you. This isn’t really traditional. You need to hurry before the wedding starts.”

  My heart leapt in my throat at the word ‘groom.’ “Thank you. I’ll go see what he needs.”

  “Where are your shoes?” she asked in a clipped tone.

  “In the master bedroom. I wanted to wait as long as I could before I put them on.”

  Victoria gave me a knowing smirk. Regardless of being a pain in the ass, she was a lady after my own heart. Her bright pink heels that I secretly coveted made her just a couple inches shorter than me barefoot. Victoria understood my love for shoes. She didn’t argue with me when I showed her the pair that would be gracing my feet later today. Even though I’d been out of the boot for a while, this would be the first time I was able to wear heels since the accident.

  With a curt nod, Victoria turned down the hallway already onto her next task. She waved distractedly at someone while she tapped away on her iPad.

  My bare feet padded toward the office where the groom was sequestered. Inwardly, I cringed as I passed the pictures hanging throughout the hallway. Each one marked the progression of my youth, my awkward years on display for all to see. The boys had a field day making fun of me when they saw them. I had to yell at Jet to put my junior high picture back when he tried to steal it, purely for torture purposes.

  My palms were clammy standing in front of the office door containing the man I’d been through so much with. Before turning the handle, I glanced down the hallway and spotted Van and D talking to a very animated Jet. Amy dug in her purse most likely for candy, next to them. My heart swelled with pride at the sight. The boys were decked out in suits, and they were so handsome.

  I blinked back the tears threatening to ruin my makeup. It dawned on me everyone I loved was under the same roof. Well, everyone except my best friend.

  Jessie and I hadn’t talked since our fight on graduation day. She took off to Texas the moment her diploma was in her hand and ignored all of my phone calls since. My heart broke every time my call transferred to voicemail.

  Jet vibrated with excitement. I could tell by the way D and Van were standing, they were having a hard time containing themselves as well. After the wedding, we were flying to LA so the JackholeS could record their first album as a signed band.

  The anticipation had all of them amped up. In fact, the main reason the wedding was being rushed was because of the upcoming album. After the proposal on New Year’s, a flurry of preparations started. Victoria ensured us the wedding would take place by the end of January, right before the boys were supposed to be in Los Angeles.

  I grasped my charm necklace in my hand, a habit I seemed to be forming, while I secretly watched the boys in all their excitement. Knowing I didn’t have time to procrastinate, I let go of the necklace and knocked on the door.

  “Come in.”

  Another swell of pride hit me when I saw my dad. He was dressed in his suit, attempting to tie his tie.

  “I heard the groom wanted to talk to me. Was that true? Or were you afraid to admit you’re useless at a double Windsor knot?”

  A crooked smile lifted one side of his mouth. I swatted his hands away, undoing the mess he’d somehow managed with a piece of silk. I deftly tied his tie, patting it down when it was in place.

  “Shhhh. Don’t say it too loud. I don’t want everyone to know my weakness. What if Martha found out? She may rethink getting married today.”

  I laughed and gave him a hug. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

  “That’s my girl. You always have my back. You and me against the world.”

  “Well, now we have a few more sidekicks.”

  “Yeah, we do.” His face brightened, his eyes wandering to the door. “Have you seen Martha? How’s she doing? She hasn’t run out of here, has she?”

  “Dad, she’s fine. She’s the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen. I can’t wait for you to see her. Don’t worry, you’re a catch. Any woman would thank their lucky stars to have you. Martha loves you, and you two are going to have a fabulous marriage. Unless you’re getting cold feet. If you are, let me know. I’ll smuggle you out of here quicker than you can ruin that knot around your neck.”

  “If I had known how much grief you were going to give me, I would have figured it out myself.” He huffed. “I could have U-Tubered how to tie it,” he responded. His hands ghosted over the knot.

  “I know you could have.” I couldn’t help that my voice came out in a placating tone.

  “No, I’m not getting cold feet. I’m just afraid she might. The first one didn’t work out so well. I’m nervous I may be attracted to runners.”

  My heart clenched. The worry etched around his eyes evident, his heartache was now ingrained in his DNA. He always acted so strong. I never took the time to think of the pain he must have suffered being left alone to raise his four-year-old daughter.

  “The first one was just a test run. No pun intended. This one’s the real deal. Martha loves you, and she’s nothing like Mom. Thank goodness.”

  “I know she’s not. I j
ust let my stupid past sneak up on me.”

  “Okay, no more worrying. I’ll go check on your blushing bride. I’m sure Victoria’s going to be hauling you out of here any minute to get this ceremony started.”

  “That woman’s a force to be reckoned with. She should have been a cop. She’s terrifying.” He shuddered.

  “I know. That’s why I fully intend to stay on her good side and make sure I’m where I’m supposed to be. I’m scared to think about the wrath she would throw down if any of us messed up her perfectly orchestrated event.”

  “You’re right. Hurry up. I don’t want her to be mad at me for keeping you away too long. I’ll blame you if I have to.”

  “Ouch. See you at the end of the aisle.” I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek, inhaling the scent of his soap, a scent I would always associate with safety.

  He held on to me for a couple of seconds before kissing me on the top of the head and letting go. “Love you.”

  “Love you too. I’ll go check on Martha and see if she needs a getaway car.”

  “Ha-ha.”

  I slipped out of the office and headed toward the master bedroom where Martha would be finishing the final touches.

  Before I could take two steps strong arms circled my waist, hauling me into a familiar rock-hard chest. Just the smell of him sent my body into sexual lust. Without turning us around, Kill pulled me into my old bedroom. I did a quick check to make sure nobody noticed us before shutting the door and engaging the lock. With it clicked into place I turned around, throwing my arms around his neck and latching my mouth to his.

  “Whoa there, Slick. What if it wasn’t me? Do you just make out with anyone who pulls you into your old room?”

  I pulled back, my mind fuzzy from being near him, the taste of his lips still lingering on my tongue. We hadn’t had much alone time since he had to fly back and forth to LA in order to negotiate the final terms of the contract. It felt like we were constantly being pushed in different directions, and I was yearning for him.